Thursday, 25 August 2016

KOTW - Tasks

I need to get back to blogging ways, indeed if I was tasked to do so then maybe I would be better at getting my brain into gear. Even better if Master were to give me a list of topics he would like me to write about.

But seriously, this month's kink of the week is about Tasks. I have a set of rules that I agreed to when I became Master's slave, and one or two of them are kind of task orientated. Probably the main one would be that I should wear my butt plug twice a week when we are apart. I am rubbish at keeping to this rule, mainly because I forget. We often chat on Skype late in the evening and after I come off of the call I get ready for bed and am asleep before I know it.

The other rule that has slightly fallen by the wayside is the issue of underwear. I often don't wear panties but usually these days like to wear a bra. For all I am 54, my tits are still quite firm, but still I do prefer it. Generally he doesn't push the issue.

Sometimes he will give me tasks to do, but these are on an ad hoc basis, as the mood takes him (as is his prerogative). I am not someone who really needs a massive amount of structure and to be frank I am a calmer, happier human being since I have been with him.

He is someone who likes his slave to be low maintenance and so, while he likes to give me the odd thing to do, he is not really into making sure I do it. We have discussed recently that our dynamic has fallen into something of a routine and that we don't always make the effort to think about things such as this.

Perhaps this prompt may lead to further discussions on the topic since he reads what I write here and we often follow that up with a discussion.

Tasks are a good thing, but they take effort on both sides. I am willing to give it another go if he is!


Sunday, 21 August 2016

Random stuff

This weekend we have made some significant progress towards being ready to sell my house. I hired a skip and Master and I spent yesterday mainly filling it with stuff from the garden. My ex was fantastic at moving and removing things but often anything that he didn't want to put into his car and take away to the recycling centre he just dumped it into the garden. All of that stuff has been removed, along with any over hanging bush or tree. There is still time to add more stuff to the pile but already I feel closer to my final destination.

Last night I did something which in hindsight was stupid. I messaged Master's former slave to ask if she was ok. What I received, after an affirmative response was something of a rant. Apparently He lied to her, He treated her badly, He only got divorced because it is me he is with now and not her (rubbish as his ex initiated it as I had already told her). The funny thing is that while message after message came through to my phone, I was busy elsewhere. Instructed to kneel before Him and take His cock in my mouth.  It was only this morning that I read back what she had written. I have now taken her off of my Facebook and messenger and won't make the same mistake!

Kneeling at His feet last night, naked I took Master's cock in my mouth and was instructed not to suck. Holding that wonderful organ in my mouth without sucking it in was difficult. But at those moments when His control over me is paramount I tend to follow instructions to the letter.

My compliance is less so when we are apart. I have a set of rules to follow, but don't always comply. Why is that? Probably, I need that day by day attention, need to be made to focus on my role and purpose. That is just one of the reasons that I am concentrating on the job in hand, in getting myself ready to move in with Master.

Just one reason. I love the closeness we have now. I love that we can do things together.  I know that I want to be in the position that I can serve Him every day. I know that I am on the right path and Master is helping me get there.

Sunday, 14 August 2016

Back to basics

We have been enjoying a wonderful summer together. A trip to France in May was followed by our holiday in Sicily, then there was a weekend away to visit my brother and then last weekend apart. Me with my mum in France, Master with his daughter in Amsterdam. In between there have been nights out, the theatre, the cinema, meals, trips to the pub.....

Often we have had little time for sex, a need to get up early, or getting home late and falling into bed. Plus of course the little matter of needing to prepare both our houses for when I join him in his. We get on really well together, we have no problem in living a vanilla existence. We can sit together reading, discussing current affairs, we don't really need to argue and so don't. We are maybe more tolerant of each other because we respect each others point of view even if we don't agree with it. We love each other and we fancy each other. Of course, the relationship is not quite like it was at the very beginning. But it could be.

This weekend we got back to the core of what we are about as a couple. Master and slave. We reconnected in a way that we really haven't given time for in quite a while. Plus we still managed to get out, travel to London to see a play, eat dinner and have a lovely walk back to the train station.

But while we were alone together here, things were different. 

He decided on  Friday night and again last night when we got back that I needed to be naked. He had me kneel before him and suck his cock. He had me wear one of the leather harnesses (It was a bit on the loose side, so the diet and exercise is paying off) and he was clear about how I should address myself and him. I was 'this girl' once again and he was Master and also Lord; he really loves me calling him Lord, but I do stumble over it. Not because I mind calling him Lord, but too many films and books mean I am confused as to whether I should call him my Lord or just Lord. It sounds weird in a way that Master doesn't (but I digress).

We have had amazing sex. Kinky, horny sex. I have been permitted numerous orgasms, many more than the tally currently written in black ink on my tummy. I have had a prize from him, one that I received while he was deep inside me this morning. I have also been required to pee on him, though this weekend not the other way around. 

We have talked about the fact I have a contract and rules that I don't follow and discussed how we can get that back on course. I know what I need to do, the rules are few and they are simple. But this is a two way process and he has promised me that he will also make sure we keep making time for the kinky side of our life. The pain and the pleasure, the Dominance and the submission. Master and slave. 

This weekend has been relaxing and it has been busy. We got back to basics and it is clear that we do have time, we can have it all. 

Friday, 12 August 2016

It's kind of scary

The Olympics started last weekend which serves as a reminder of just how long it has taken me to get to this point in my life. Four years ago I had been seeing S for a few months. I was living with the euphoria of a new relationship, my first for over 30 years and I was yet to have to face up to my actions. Life was good, but I was busily dancing around the reality of what I was doing. That I was doing to my ex what had previously done to me. He was oblivious and yet to meet the woman he now lives with, yet to lie to me about his whereabouts. I was happy in the illusion that things with S would turn into something long lasting, that he was the Dom I wanted and needed. It would be another 18 months before that relationship would finally end and I would meet Master.

Fast forward to now and life remains kind of scary, though in a different way. I have spent this entire year preparing to sell the house and move in with Master, but still I am not there. I procrastinate on a weekly if not daily basis. The goals I set myself 6 months ago for today are still not complete. I want to make this move, but it takes more energy than I sometimes feel I possess.

That final step is scary. It means giving up my home and moving to somewhere that while I am comfortable to exist in, is not somewhere I can yet call that place. Home.  A conversation with Master last night brought home to me that I am still not sure that moving in with him is what I truly want. Don't get me wrong, I want to be with him every day, not just at weekends and holidays with the odd extra day and night thrown in. But giving up this new found independence, my own place, where I have space, solitude, even silence is proving hard to do. Plus there is the knowledge that I will be living in a home I don't own and never will, a place that if something happened to him I might not be able to stay in (even though he has told me that he will make plans for that possibility.

But, perhaps speaking my fears aloud last night did some good. I have spent some of today with a new energy to sort through things and I know that I have already planned some of the things I need to do over the coming days and into next week.

This was never going to be easy, perhaps it shouldn't have taken me this length of time to sort myself out, but I know that I am moving ever closer to what I need to do and where I need to be.

It's just that, it really is kind of scary.

Tuesday, 19 July 2016

TMI Tuesday - July 19th 2016


My first TMI for a while, but glad to join in and share

1. Hi there. Tell us about your job and what you do?
I work in the UK health service. My job is about improving the quality and value for money of maternity services. I work with Doctors, midwives and families who use the service so while I no longer provide healthcare services myself, I am close to them. It is less stressful and definitely easier on the body than when I was nursing.

2. What piece of advice would you give to a co-worker?
Remember who we are here for - not ourselves but those who use the services. But remember we are not indispensable, there is nothing in our job that can't be left till tomorrow. 

3. What 2 pieces of advice would you give to a new blogger?
Decide what your blog is about and who you are writing for.  Write for yourself and not an audience, and the followers will turn up and contribute. Visit other blogs and comment there, become part of the 'community'
4. What 1 piece of advice would you give to a veteran blogger–someone blogging for more than 3 years?
Consider the purpose of your blog, at the start and now. Keep things fresh and don't just post for the sake of it.

5. What do you hope visitors to your blog see, take away, feel or learn?
I  hope people see that I am honest and open and that I am true to myself as a woman, and a slave. I hope that people are able to take something away for themselves, but that they recognise that my relationship is not necessarily theirs. 

6. Have you ever had something happen to you that you thought was bad but it turned out to be for the best?
I thought that Master's former slave finding out about my blog and muscling in on my place in the world would be the end of my blog. But actually it had a very different effect on our relationships than I might have imagined. 
Bonus: What was the last experience that made you a stronger person?
The past 2 years have been a massive learning experience - the loss of my dad, my mum's health problems and subsequent coming to terms with them. But mostly the realisation that I can have my own life with Master which is not dependent on the expectations of other people.
————
How to play TMI Tuesday: Copy the above TMI Tuesday questions to your webspace (i.e., a blog). Answer the questions there, then leave a comment below, on this blog post, so we’ll all know where to read your responses. Please don’t forget to link to tmituesdayblog from your website!
Happy TMI Tuesday!

Sunday, 17 July 2016

A reconnection

The trip to Sicily was amazing, but it was busy. We walked and walked, often up hills or steps, and we saw so many amazing things. We drank wonderful beer and wine and ate some amazing meals. But most nights we fell exhausted into bed (often it was a different bed from the night before) and in the morning got up early enough to grab breakfast before moving onto the next wonderful place.

We had a lovely weekend in Agrigento, in an apartment. For 3 days we were able to come and go, eat and drink what and when we wanted (mainly simple breakfasts of fruit and yoghurt plus good coffee with hot milk!) and know that no one was going to want to come in and clean the room (or whatever). We had our busiest day while there, when we went to visit the Greek temples. It was hot and very sticky, and the day was a long one, we walked miles, including in the evening since the nearest restaurants were half an hour away (on foot, as we wanted to be able to have wine etc with dinner). The next day though, which was Sunday we went to the supermarket and bought food and wine for dinner so that after an afternoon of sightseeing we were able to grab some down time. 

At the end of the following week we found ourselves at a wonderful, very classy hotel in Palermo. Here we experienced a little bit of luxury; lovely breakfasts over looking the sea, drinks and nibbles on the patio and a couple of hours by (and in) the pool. But the hotel was quite a way out of town so we needed to use the hotel shuttle or a taxi (as previously mentioned we only walked it once!) to go anywhere and once out in the morning preferred to stay out until after dinner. 

We returned from holiday invigorated, and probably fitter. I put on 3lb, (probably due to beer, crisps, nuts and olives which we tended to eat at lunchtime since they came with the beer), but have already lost 2. The holiday was active, but not tiring even though we were busy. What we didn't have much time for though was sex or any real opportunity to play. I mostly wore underwear, to prevent chafing and other effects of 30c (and higher) heat.

Then last weekend we were also busy with a concert on Saturday and then a friend visiting from Holland Sunday and Monday. We had a lovely time showing her more of London and on Sunday we had a lovely meal in a family run Italian restaurant, thank goodness such places still exist in London. The train home on both nights was around 11pm.

During the week we expressed our frustration abut how the M/s side of things seemed to have been lacking for us both. For me it felt that I was failing as His slave in some way, and he expressed to me that perhaps he wasn't doing his job as Master well. However the reality is that we are experiencing real life. You can't have it, well not all of the time.

This weekend has been different. We have had plenty of time to spend having sex and in rediscovering my submission and His dominance. I have been on my knees for the first time in ages worshipping Master's wonderful cock. There has been plenty of sex, many orgasms and a lot of time just reconnecting with each other. We have also had time to sit and do very little, I have left him to some clearing out while I went to the sales in town. He has cooked for us, and then we have walked to the pub. We have spent time talking about our holiday, remembering places, people and the wonderful things we did and saw. 

We have taken tim to rebalance and reconnect and our relationship is all the better for the opportunity to do just that. 


Wednesday, 13 July 2016

Bad slave?

There is no doubt that I have come a long way in the past two years.

I know that I am a happier person, someone who no longer needs to control every aspect of their life. Indeed, I would go further than that and say that I prefer to control very little of my life, but do what I must. 

I have learned to let go of so much, to allow someone else to decide where I go, what I do and how I do it. 

Sometimes though I rebel and revert to some of my old ways.

The other day when out for dinner I complained when Master made a decision about dinner on my behalf (for my own good of course). On holiday I started to doubt his ability to guide us to our hotel on foot (it took an hour to get there).  I know I answer back and I often break the rules we agreed 2 years ago.

But does that make me a bad slave? Does that mean I am not a slave at all?

I don't believe it does.

I am a person who needs control, but also needs the opportunity to push against that control. 

I am a person who needs to know that someone is in control. I am still learning that it isn't desirable or necessary that I have to be that person. That giving up control makes me feel liberated and the person I want and need to be.  

Master doesn't want to micro manage me and I don't want or need that micro management. I think that he needs to look back at where we were and where we are now.

He needs to see how far we have come and reassess.

I am not a bad slave. He is not a bad Master.

We are two human beings learning to navigate our way through life, a life where we and the world around us changes. Where sometimes we get it right and sometimes we get it wrong.

But what I do know is that we are two people who happen to be Master and slave. Two people who love each other.

Bad slave? No

Collared slave who is sometimes bad? Yes!

Wednesday, 6 July 2016

Hiatus

Our trip to Sicily was wonderful. There was so much to see, great food to enjoy, wine and beer and of course gelato. We walked miles and miles, often uphill or up or down stairs, given the way that towns are layered. We learnt so much about the history and culture. 

As is often the case, our trip wasn't particular kinky, indeed there wasn't a great deal of sex. But I am not complaining, not at all. 

I have returned to work this past couple of days and am concentrating on getting through the rest of the working week. I feel calm and relaxed and just happy.

I don't yet feel ready to blog in any significant way and judging by my blog roll quite a few people are taking a break too. I am here, and when ready I will blog again. Until then, I will post these photos.
Cathedral

Beach

Temple

Sunset

Mosaic of Adam and Eve

Saturday, 18 June 2016

Submissive Coffee Club

Tumblr can be an erotic and exciting place to look for photos, videos and articles. It can also give an unpleasant view of porn, submission and opinion, you do have to wade through pages of poseurs (male and female) on occasion to find something worth looking at and real. 

A tumblr site I really enjoy visiting is the submissive coffee club (it also has a related dominant site). It is great for conversation and views on submission and it also offers up blogging prompts which can be useful if you are short of a topic idea. 

They are currently running a feature where members of the club volunteer to be asked questions about their submission etc. by their peers and next week it will be my turn. I have one question so far, and am hoping for many more. But to make it more interesting, if anyone here has a question they would like to ask me then I will answer that too. I then plan to post simultaneously here and on my tumblr blog.

Master and I are off on holiday this coming weekend and so I will have the added advantage of blogging from the beautiful island of Sicily and needing to complete this task will prevent me from once again resorting to travel blogging. Though of course, there is nothing wrong with a travel blog.

Personally I can't wait to get away. We have both been suffering from a virus over the past couple of weeks and have been massively under par. There has been precious little sex in our lives, let alone kink. Hopefully this trip will help us get over this horrible bug and also allow us to recuperate. I am looking forward to the sun and the sea air. There will be loads to see and do plus there will be the food, wine and hopefully a chance to swim and maybe relax in the shade with a good book. 

Mean time, do leave any questions in the comments box. 

Back soon everyone!

Friday, 17 June 2016

Elust #83


Photo courtesy of Holden and Camille

Welcome to Elust #83 

The only place where the smartest and hottest sex bloggers are featured under one roof every month. Whether you’re looking for sex journalism, erotic writing, relationship advice or kinky discussions it’ll be here at Elust. Want to be included in Elust #84 Start with the rules, come back July 1st to submit something and subscribe to the RSS feed for updates!

~ This Month’s Top Three Posts ~


~ Featured Post (Molly’s Picks) ~

~Readers Choice from Sexbytes ~

*You really should consider adding your popular posts here too*
All blogs that have a submission in this edition must re-post this digest from tip-to-toe on their blogs within 7 days. Re-posting the photo is optional and the use of the “read more…” tag is allowable after this point. Thank you, and enjoy!

Poetry

Thoughts & Advice on Sex & Relationships

Events

Erotic Fiction

Erotic Non-Fiction

Sex News, Opinion, Interviews, Politics & Humor

Thoughts & Advice on Kink & Fetish

Writing About Writing